We recently learned that my Gram is dying. Her kidneys are going and within a few days they expect she will be in a comma. Actually, I was told according to the results of her bloodwork she should already be there now. They expect she will last for a week or two after that, a month at most.

I’ve had 2 visits with her since learning this. One was a long, sit and chat visit while she was having a good day. The other was a shorter, bring the baby, later in the day when she was tired but had a good chance to say good-bye visit.

She isn’t in any pain, just tired and more out of it than ususal. She is pretty much entirely unaware of what is happening to her. I think on some level she must know, but they aren’t worrying her with details. She would have been 86 this April.

I’m pretty crushed by the thought that she won’t be there anymore. She has been a constant in my life. Someone I could always count on to be my cheering squad, to share a laugh or just to sit with. I call her every time I make her fish chowder recipe, usually to have her walk me through it again. She was the first person to try to teach me to knit, though I didn’t yet have the patience for it then. I already miss her.

As you might imagine, I’m coping with large quantities of chocolate and by knitting next to constantly. The thing is, I decided the night I learned she would be leaving us that I don’t want to knit on anything I will be keeping, not the sweater, not Dom’s scarf and not my shawl. I don’t want to pick up something a year, or ten years from now and think “oh, yes, this is the sweater I knit while Gram was dying”.

Instead I’m working on baby gifts, as we need several over the next weeks/months and I may do some hats to be given away or a few things for the latest Afghans for Afghans drive. I need to keep as busy as possible, just not with things that will be staying here. . . . .

So all my projects are on hold indefinately. Once things are settled again I’ll rework my plan for the remainder of the year. I just can’t think to do it now.

The Good News

We have had a small bit of good news: The nephew’s new baby will likely not be as early as we had been told. The “high-risk” Dr thinks there is a good chance he will make it through to at least 32 week, perhaps longer. That was very good news indeed.

And we have a date for the baby shower, April 1. Provided I am able, I’m planning to attend and likely bringing the little guy. Since MIL is going as well we’ll have 2 sets of hands to keep him reined in.

I probably won’t post much the next few weeks as not much other than gifts are being made, but I’ll keep you posted.

I’m off to make a cup of tea and work on the gift blanket so its done for the shower.